So this week was crazy! Not really, I just had a really good week. Filled with the spirit and such. I am gonna be brief but this week, I have felt the hand of the Lord greatly in my life. I have learned a great principle, and I am beginning to grasp how much I am missing certain things.
So first, the Lord has really helped me out this week. I have learned a lot about Him this General Conference weekend, AND I didn't fall asleep for a whole session. At first I really was not looking forward to sitting in auditorium with several hundred smelly elders and weird sisters for 12 hours. But this general conference really had me spiritually uplifted. But earlier last week I was reading in Jesus the Christ and man oh man. Some super great stuff. Like really good stuff, and I am just in love with this book. I really cannot wait to read more about His life through the eyes of James E. Talmage. So I have been able to come closer to my savior by learning more of who He is and what He has done.
Next, a great principle that I learned this week, is that God has a weird way to teach us about certain gospel topics. So, all of you know how much I absolutely hate people. Like almost disgusted by other human beings. This way of thinking had me really struggling with sharing the gospel briefly to random people on the street. I was roleplaying sitting on the bus with my teacher and talking to a complete stranger. I was having a hard time sharing what I knew to her through the spirit. We kept trying over and over and I just kept getting worse and worse, finally breaking down I was fed up with this drill. I started crying and almost shouting at her. "I don't care about you(As the investigator) I don't care about what you do in your life, I can't care for you. You tell us (switching back to the teacher) to care about them, to love the people, but I simply can't. This love that or care that you speak of is nowhere in me. Only one man has that love, Jesus Christ. And I am not Jesus Christ. I am no where near to the Christ. I can't care for them, but this man has, and does. That's all I want them to know. That he has done so much for us, and for everyone. He will always care, always love, and always know us individually." I felt broken, without the spirit, and back at day one again. With this question in my mind for the rest of the week. I did my best to find charity and love. Until Saturday evening, as a district we discussed what we learned. I felt an overwhelming pride in my two districts, and for each individual missionary. The spirit led me to say a few simple words that taught me just as much as it taught those to whom I spoke. I told them that I just don't like people. I can't just throw love around to anyone, but through them I felt love for each one. I was lead by the spirit to say, that I knew that this love was not my own personal love for them. And that swept me sideways. I was confused, and I'm sure my districts were as well. Then I shared through the spirit that the love I felt was from Christ. It was His love that I was able to be a funnel for, and that I was able to only slightly feel. The principle that I learned from this experience, is that God tests us in all things. If we rely on His spirit and guidance He will make us into the people He wants us to be. It is a scary process and it breaks us down and makes us question who we are. Yet through it we are rebuilt into things we couldn't have imagined that we could be.
Finally things I miss. MUSIC, I hate how much music I am missing out on. There are so many songs I want to listen to. So at times I just start humming certain songs that I am really feeling. I seriously need some R&B, Rap, Rock, Indie, and punk in my ears right now. Also, SWIMMING. I cannot swim for 2 years and I just want to go swimming, surfing, and diving. RIP. but anyways that has been my week. I luv yall. Stay Fresh
-Elder Young
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